


VoIce (can you see me? Is it drowning me?)

by Maykits



Series: 15 min writing challenge [2]
Category: No Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 20:00:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13038348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maykits/pseuds/Maykits
Summary: No beta





	VoIce (can you see me? Is it drowning me?)

I wish I was free. Free to be myself without recriminations. Free to show how I feel free to express my thoughts without being torn down. Free to make my own decisions about my life and who is apart of it. Free to go on a walk when I want. Free to travel to another country when I want. Free to lay in bed for a day without being told that I'm worthless since I'm not constantly moving. Freedom in body freedom in mind freedom in thought.  
Just think about what I could accomplish if I wasn't told that it isn't something I should do. Just imagine the possibilities of endless adventures if I had the chance. The wellspring of ideas that could flow if I didn't have a second voice in my head telling me I was stupid for even trying. Just think about it.  
I'm trying; trying to overcome them. But the voice rings clearly. Every action or non action has a second opinion being formed and recited in my head. Every thought every choice has another line of parallel thought following, directing, and nudging. My head doesn't not belong to me alone. My thoughts are not just mine. My actions are not my exclusive choice.  
I can sometimes ignore, sometimes forget, sometimes purposefully choose the other dispute the voice screaming louder. I can gain distance, I can gain perspective. I have in the past. In the past I have escaped beyond the daily flow of the voice. Escaped the inessent patter of words telling me what to do, what not to do, what kind of person I am.  
I'm never good enough for the voice to stop. Even when I do everything it says I have never been good enough. The voice wants more. More of me, more control, more information, more and more. I'm afraid if I don't fight the voice I will be devoured. I will be gone. Me, my true self, the amazing being I am with be subsumed and the voice will be what is left. I will talk but it will be the voice talking. I will work but it will be the voice directing the work. I will wish and dream and hope and it will only be the wishes and dreams and hopes of the voice.  
The voice is everywhere and in everything. The voice is present all the time whether I'm awake or sleeping. I wish I was free. That I was my own person. That I would overcome the voice. But the voice tells me I'm not good enough. That I will never overcome it because it knows better than I what I need.


End file.
